Hey everyone -- I'm back. I'm not going to try to catch you up on my supposed life because that's no fun. I want to let you know that, due to the good response I got from my last email, I am going to start putting a little something on here that I call "Stoney Creek Short-Shots". The Shots will be conversations we denizens of Stoney Creek Store have in the course of our brain-numbing hours behind the counter. I hope you enjoy reading them as much as we enjoy originating them.
My first Short-Shot is called: ASSuming

On the bottom of every ones toilet seat there are 2 little nubbies -- really, it's true. Go look --- I'll wait. Did you see them? Ok, now go back and look at the seat again and notice how those 2 nubbies create a space between the bowl and the seat. What is this space for? No, you don't have to answer this one because Joe has it all figured out:
"Do you know that a very important part of our toilet is broken?" Joe asked me.
"No, what are you talking about?" I answered.
"One of the little knob things under the seat is smashed. Do you just let the seat drop down and crash against the bowl when you go in there?" He accused.
"No. I lower the seat the right way -- I don't crash it down!" I huffed.
"You mean you touch that dirty thing with your HAND!?" Joe gagged.
"Joe what do you think I am going to do with this hand while I'm on the commode? I'm not going to lick my hand or put it in my eyes or pick my nose. And I always wash my hands when I'm done so what is the big deal?"
"Ok that's just disgusting! Let me get back to my original thought. Do you know what those little knobs are for on the bottom of the toilet seat?"
"No I don't. But I bet you do!"
"You're right! Do you notice how those knobs make a space between the bowl and the seat? Do you know what that space is for?"
Brian was with us at this time and he volunteered, "It's so you don't create a vacuum with your ass directly against the bowl."
"Nope, that's not it but it is close."
"Well, I don't have a clue so why don't you just tell me."
"It's so obvious -- it's a flash suppressor!" he practically chortled.
Looking at him dumbfounded I had to ask, "What the hell is a flash suppressor!"
"It provides the space you need between your butt and the bowl to allow gases to escape during your business in there so that your ass isn't blown off the commode and into the tub! Whoever thought of that little space was a genius!"
And because I don't know where to begin to look for info on this type of stuff I have to ASS-ume he is right!
By the way, does anyone know what those 2 little nubbies are really called?